when people don't realize they say something offensive.
my friends happen to talk about how short hair is cute but long hair is beautiful.
and of course every one has long hair except for me.
not very offensive, and i'd never give up my awesome hair cut.
but really, guys. i'm sitting right here.
you basically announced to me that i will never be beautiful.
well fuck you and your high fashion.
i happen to think i look great.
or another time, one of my friends said yellow shoes are cool.
he said he'd date a girl with yellow shoes
because not many people are gutsy enough to wear yellow shoes.
he said, that the only person he could think of that might have yellow shoes was me.
at that time, i didn't have yellow shoes (i do now- i love campers!)
and after i responded to his shoe question he blatantly said
that i was just cute and not really cool.
you know, i don't even know why this bothers me.
it behooves us, as individuals with an agenda, to live a life without care to others' opinions.
but really, isn't half the point of life to achieve recognition?
is it really possible to live without caring what others think of you?
i try. but it's hard.
my mantra of existentialism doesn't always work- this is evidence.
i mention a lot that i oscillate between loving my friends to death and hating their guts.
this might be why.
and i share some blame, too. sometimes i just like my friends in want of loneliness.
and what good are friends if they never give you a good fight?
i'm concluding that this was my brutus-caesar moment because i'm really vain.
and i try hard to look nice.
and these guys just shot my self esteem.
ok, so that's it.
fun is fun and done is done.
i will boost my self esteem by noting that i can censor myself well and don't talk shit about pretty sunsets.
there are too many people in this world who don't know about self censoring, self control, and social protocol.
not that i know all of those things- but i can at least know when to keep my mouth shut.
school has begun.
i'm going to study like there's no tomorrow.
i'm tired of being a poseur- jack of all trades and master of none.
i want to know something real. i want to know this heme stuff and biochem stuff like the back of my hand.
i will stay up all night if i have to.
only thing currently stopping me is the stupid headaches.
we are going on one and a half weeks now.
flourescent lights and computer screens are my enemies.
go away, already!